So, it had finally arrived – my last hoorah with the girls before I entered the institution of marriage.
The weatherman had been kind and pulled out a pearler for the occassion and in 5 minutes my friends were due to arrive.
My sister, Miss D, was flitting around donning a mischievious smile. She was the big chief today and was in charge of proceedings. I had given her the no-nonsense speech about ‘seedy clubs and strippers’ so was intrigued to see what she had up her sleeve.
Within the next half hour my friends had arrived, we had clambered into various vehicles, parked and were now sitting shoulder to shoulder on a speed boat, accessorised with lifejackets.
This was nice. Well done Miss D! A lovely little boat ride, maybe a bit of champas, a few nibbles …Smiling and lost in my daydream, I happened to glance over at the boatman who was holding some sort of strange harness type contraption and looking in my direction.
Suddenly I wasn’t feeling so optimistic and as he started to explain that in a few moments I would be wearing that harness thing and flung up god knows how high into the air behind the boat, it declined even further.
Hesitantly I climbed into the straps as the boatman excitedly explained all the circus moves I could perform from up there – “You can flip backwards and even fly like Superman.”
Forever the cautious one, I was only half listening and instead was hearing the little voice inside my head telling me not to worry as I wouldn’t be attempting anything like that, I would just sit up there, enjoy the view and have a lovely ol’ time.
So there I was perched in the sky, peering down at my specks of friends and admiring the scenery when the little voice piped up again. “You are so boring,” it said. “You never take a chance or do anything outside your comfort zone. Don’t be such a wuss bag. He said you could!”
“You’re completely right,” I replied to myself and with that I propelled myself backwards into a beautifully executed backflip finishing in a perfectly positioned superman pose.
I did it! Well done me! I felt extremely chuffed with myself and actually enjoyed flying through the air like a superhero .. well for a couple of minutes anyway until the burn of the straps took hold.
I looked below and swore I saw some thumbs ups and heard some cheers from the boat and with that I decided it was time to flip back to a seated position and enjoy the rest of my allocated time.
So I tried, tried and tried a third time … but nothing. I couldn’t flip myself back or forwards! Crap, I was stuck as superman!
About now the panic started to set in and I spent the next few minutes screaming into the wind. After about 100 repetitions of “I’m stuck, get me down!” my voice completely horse and the only response from the boat being waves and laughter – I figured they just weren’t grasping the seriousness of my situation.
Time for Plan B : Play Dead.
To me, this was a fool-proof plan. I would play dead and then they were sure to realise something was seriously wrong and pull me in.
So, I put the plan in motion : I let my legs and arms go limp and let my head hang loosely between my shoulders. I let the wind take me whichever direction it pleased and only lifted my head occasionally to see if there was any response from below.
Nothing at first but sure enough, after awhile, the boat started to become clearer and I was being closer to being saved. However, before I could say “Hallelujah, praise the lord” I was belly-flopped into the water!
What the hell? Now he’s trying to drown me?!
By this time I was looking a right state : My hair was matted into clumps across my face; My strapless top had fallen down and now lay bunched around my waist and the harness straps were cutting into my fleshy thighs and chaffing on parts that we just won’t mention!
So, after another couple of dunkings, the boatman finally pulled me in and let me back aboard. Grinning like a Cheshire Cat he asked “How was that, then?” To which I replied with an equally impressive grin – “Thanks, that was truly awful.”
This post was written in response to the Weekly Writing Challenge : The Best Medicine at http://wp.me/p23sd-85X